Quote of the week: You shouldn't want to live in two worlds (2023)

Jasper van Der Burgha says

I totally disagree. As a food fanatic, I miss the Amsterdam atmosphere in my own home. Then I enjoy it for 2-3 months, I enjoy my circle of friends, the freedom to do whatever you want. Apart from that I also spend 2-3 months traveling around Europe, enjoying Greece and Portugal, visiting friends all over the world...
Yes, I have a family in Thailand, wife and child, we have a nice house, we lack for nothing in comfort, I don't even have to work anymore (far from being retired), but my freedom is important to me Hearts Me and my wife think that's fine.
So we found the happy medium and are both happy with it. I even think there would be a lot more problems if we lived together permanently in the Netherlands or Spain.

cheeky says

I think you're looking at this situation too much through Western (Dutch?) glasses.
In Thailand it is common for a man to work most of the time in a different place than where his wife lives.
Children often do not live with their parents but with their grandparents.
This seems to work well in Thailand in general.
I'm not saying parents won't miss their kids and vice versa, but it doesn't seem to cause any major problems or frustrations.

teo says

I myself stay in Thailand for an average of 4 months – in winter. My girlfriend has a permanent residence permit in the Netherlands and we are in the Netherlands together for an average of 5 to 6 months.
So in general I'm alone for 2.5 months, although sometimes I go to Thailand in the summer or she comes back to the Netherlands.
That suits us very well, also because my girlfriend is very well established in the Netherlands. So I don't fully understand the statement.

Hansa says

I would love to choose Thailand and my Thai relationship if it weren't impossible. I'm over 80 and no "free" insurance will cover me. I am and will remain insured with Dutch health insurance. Commuting, double rent and the cost of living in Thailand and at home are all getting more and more expensive. To me it looks like I don't have to choose between Thailand + relationship or Holland, I just have no choice but to sit in Holland and Sauer

Quadrat Rdm says

Chris de Boer's statement is incorrect. If you don't live with your partner 12 months out of the year, you feel like you've made a moral mistake. In his statement he says: There are two ways to eat that he points the finger at people. He conveniently forgets that there can be reasons people live together for part of a calendar year. That choice is yours!

In the second part of his argument, he tells us that living together totally means that one limits the happiness of the other. Of course, such a statement is not true, it is nonsense. Every relationship is different, and two people work together for their own reasons. How they do it is up to them. One couple goes to the Netherlands, the other to Thailand, and still others decide to do part of their relationship in the Netherlands or Thailand. There is nothing wrong with that and it certainly does not limit collective or individual happiness. On the contrary: If the rejected option corresponds to your wishes, this promotes acceptance of the decision and thus the quality of the relationship.

Chris de Boer says: For a really good and lasting relationship you had to make decisions. He's right. I would omit the word "real" because if you make the right choices, the relationship will last. This may be because you cannot live together 12 months a year. That option is clearly not an option for Chris de Boer, and the way he and his partner interpret their relationship is the only good way. But that is of course a completely wrong perception on his part.

be says

The financial aspect remains somewhat undervalued. Traveling back and forth with a partner costs something, so I don't do it. Of course, family support is only possible if you have the appropriate means. Am I cheap then, Charlie? No, but I didn't foresee all the consequences. Now I'm trying to survive and stay in the Netherlands regularly because of my health insurance. Too bad my partner can't understand that he doesn't have money for all kinds of fun. Even after seven years of marriage, it seems I'm still a rich farang. I love traveling to the Netherlands after a few months in Thailand. Of course I miss my wife and especially my daughter again after a few weeks in the Netherlands. They are less affected by this, as it is more common in Thailand for fathers to be away for longer periods. I can't imagine anyone making that decision ahead of time, but is it really a matter of choice, or has something else happened that we're making the best of now?

Choose says

It was easy for me, I was young and I wanted children.
After living in the Netherlands for many years, we had to make a choice.
We chose Thailand and started a nice family there.
In my opinion, it's bad for children if dad has to live in the Netherlands for 6 months.
But more importantly, without my wife and kids, I can't last as long.
So still weigh the pros and cons of the choice.
It worked for me, I've lived here for 14 years.

Jasmin says

I also think it depends on how old you are when you come to Thailand...
If you don't have to work anymore and can live here forever, then of course that's great for your relationship with a Thai woman....
I came here in 2006 and have been in a stable relationship with my Thai wife for 10 years (we are also married under Thai law).
She didn't speak English, so learning English was important to her. Which ended up being great for our relationship when she could speak English….
You always have to get to know each other first and overcome cultural differences, and that also takes time...
Therefore, for those who are no longer working and need to have a relationship with a Thai woman, living here in Thailand is important as a Thai woman often has a lasting family relationship as well...
I recently moved to the same village my wife is from and I must say that it is very nice with family... So living in your wife's village as well is highly recommended.....

Roya says

I met my Thai wife in Hong Kong some time ago, she left her home village when she was nineteen to escape local poverty and moved to Bangkok, I left the Netherlands in 2001 and immigrated to Germany, then I traveled a lot and have visited many countries, my wife who had her own hair salon in bangkok took over a hair salon in hong kong at the suggestion of a client and ran it there for years so i met her there i must say she was impressed not only by my hair style, but even more because of her, we have been married for five years and, in short, it was an "application", we both decided after two years in Germany to choose Thailand together, that's me I'm very happy that we made this choice, I don't want to trade it for another country, Thailand is a beautiful country to live and live in.

Johna Chiang Rai kostenloser MP3-Download says

We have been living in 15 countries for almost two years and this suits both my Thai wife and I the best. This allows us to stay in better contact with friends and family in both countries and both continue to enjoy a good health insurance system, which is significantly cheaper for us as retirees than private insurance in Thailand. In Europe we have a small house with a balcony where we can turn the key spontaneously and without much maintenance, so that we can be back in Thailand on the day of the flight. This way we enjoy both countries and also stay better informed about friends, family and world events in both parts of the world. Emigrants who keep repeating that everything is better in Thailand and that they are glad to have left their homeland are condemned with a shake of the head, even by many Thais who know both worlds better, because that is simply not true. When we go to Thailand for 5 months we both feel like we are on vacation and when we are back in Europe we have the same feeling vice versa.

Jan says

The term "eat both ways" is a bias and therefore a bias.
Merging about a third or half in the Netherlands and the rest in Thailand works very well and could bring significant benefits. After all, Thais are very family-oriented. Unless you want to live close to your Thai family, your Thai wife will be quite short! After all, he can only be with his family for a limited amount of time. Let's talk about eating it both ways. This will only make it more attractive to your Thai woman. That's what you call a win/win situation! But of course it's not for everyone. So as you read the comments, keep that in mind! Not everything people say or write is true, free opinion. This is often also influenced by your own position.!

Leon Bosink says

I decided to stay in Thailand permanently with my Thai partner. I have absolutely no desire to pump up double costs (maintenance or renting a house in the Netherlands, income tax on my pension, car maintenance plus fixed costs, etc.) again from being so tired.
I like it here, little or no government interference, nice climate and fantastic nature, generally very nice and relaxed people, no rush and not too expensive.
And the most important thing in this context: I don't miss the Netherlands at all. No homesickness.
So I don't agree with that statement at all. But as already mentioned, it can look very different for each person.

Rob V says

When I asked my wife she said she had a great time. Of course she missed her mother and had a few friends (classmates, colleagues, really super nice people who like to invite me now even without my love) but life in the Netherlands was much more comfortable for her. As the tally crossed the 26-27 mark, she began complaining that she was too hot and was having a great time with a diverse group of friends. In her opinion, a holiday or a winter stay in Thailand in old age was enough. Well, as a wage slave I don't know what it's like to live in Holland for 8-9 months and the rest of the time in Holland, but it seems to me that it has the necessary benefits. Maintaining your (first) health insurance, just to name a few. The Netherlands also had the advantage of being a little easier to support the mother: 25,000 to 28,000. enough to shop and save money. Financially, too, the choice fell on the Netherlands. Maybe my partner would be happier if she only had short visits to family and friends in Thailand, but overall I think a winter stay together would be fine.

If 30 is still a long way off, I can't say for sure which is better without experience. So I myself think overwintering should be fine, but who knows, my wife would be content with a longer stay in her home country and would rather live with me in the Netherlands when she is old. Now in old age he is left alone in Holland or elsewhere in Europe. Or I need to meet someone from outside of Europe. We will see how it goes on. I don't usually agree with this, but without practical experience I can't take a clear stance.

Combat Meat Shop says

Well I would. I mean to Thailand. The fact is that I will soon be returning to the Netherlands. Luckily, because the money was running out. Family members again had problems. So in 100,000 weeks I spent 5 BAHT new Sean Baht. I don't know how much my wife, who also has an income in the Netherlands, spent. Everything for a happy family. If you are planning a wedding with a Thai woman: First find out how the rest of the family is doing. If the father has a piece of land in Isaan and several sons without professional training, don't start, that's Van Kampen's sincere advice. A wise man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. And then they also ask: when will Lung Van Kampen retire? My reply was in Thai: when will you finally be able to hold your own pants?

Peter w. says

Every relationship will have a right answer, and it probably won't be the same for everyone...
This is how it works for us:
We live in Thailand and visit the Netherlands two to four times a year - each for several weeks - on important birthdays.
My girlfriend has a Schengen visa for a year and usually comes, but not always.
The intention is to grow old here, although I can well imagine "here" in the region. Malaysia is very close and seems much more stable...

January says

I consider it a privilege to be able to choose variety in my life.
I don't want to think about living in Thailand 12 months a year 🙂

Nico B says

My Thai wife and I have decided to sell our home in the Netherlands. We have only one accommodation in Thailand and live there permanently. Enjoy no double costs for everything and nothing, no hassles at home in the Netherlands, keep the car you want, in short everything has been discontinued in the Netherlands. I haven't been to the Netherlands for 6 years, I don't feel the need, my wife would love to spend a few weeks holiday there, especially the Keukenhof and some other attractions that we fondly remember e.g. B. Zaanse Schans, Neeltje Jans etc. and places where we have stayed.
The argument for not holding onto anything in NL is that we don't waste our time living in two worlds.
Maybe we rent a mobile home, holiday home or tent in the Netherlands for a summer month in a recreation area for a short holiday period, without any additional obligations.
Health policy in NL is no longer possible and we do not want to continue to live in two worlds for health policy. There is no health insurance in Thailand, low sums insured and high premiums, but otherwise we make sure that this pool is already well secured.
By the way, did you already know that? Is comprehensive insurance the worst thing you can do for your health? It doesn't force you to look for cheap alternatives and makes healthcare shopping easier, everything is paid for anyway. But hey, that's a very personal choice and beyond the scope of this post.
Living in 2 worlds can be very good depends on many individual factors but for us
No, for us there is no two-world life, you shouldn't want that, but so calmly.
Nico B

Dre says

I completely disagree with the statement of the week. Rather, it feels like throwing “a stick” into a partially soundproof chicken coop and seeing the hens running around the coop like greyhounds. Flapping in fear, almost running in mortal disdain, she peered into a corner and waited for the attic to be quiet.
Hurry up.
Not everyone, for one reason or another, can immediately settle down permanently with a girlfriend or wife in Thailand, although the desire of his wife or girlfriend is very great.
For my part, I would rather not be with my wife and children forever, say "home", yesterday rather than today or tomorrow. But an obligation, YES a stupid legal obligation, OBLIGATIONS me to stay here in Belgium until I reach retirement age (65). Which doesn't stop me from seeing my family at least once a year.
I'm already counting the months.
Only then will my life REALLY begin for me. And then they can go straight to the boom here in Belgium.
So now I MUST live in two worlds, with or against “our” will. Luckily, my wife understands the situation and motivates me every day with the words "Darling, never give up"
Dre

Jack S says

For thirty years I lived in two worlds: as a flight attendant around the world and then again in the Netherlands. Although I loved my job and we've stayed in the same hotels over the years, I felt at home wherever I wasn't.
I was a stranger there.
When I met my wife five years ago, a year before my early retirement, I traveled to Thailand without hesitation. We have been living in our house between pineapple fields for three years and if we leave the house for more than three days we already miss it.
So it's very easy for me to say: there are no two worlds for me and Thailand is now my home port.
A good friend of mine who has also traveled the world extensively and has turned 70 has this dilemma. He comes to Thailand in the winter and to the Netherlands in the summer. But he met his girlfriend three years ago and I can see he's starting to change his mind now too. You have built a house in the last few months. But only because of his own home in the Netherlands and a number of other financial advantages does he return to the Netherlands alone for a few months. He still has friends and family that he misses anyway and enjoys the summers in the Netherlands, where he often rides his motorbike and goes to the sports club every day.
But last week he started talking about maybe renting out or selling his house so he could stay in Thailand longer...
Everyone has their priorities...

Combat Meat Shop says

I am writing under a pseudonym. So I can write the truth. If I don't go into detail, no one can guess my identity. It's a shame more people don't do that. Unfortunately, they identify with their nickname and are ashamed of criticism or ridicule. But: see the above likes as an appreciation of the truth.

Okay, so I spent a lot of money here. But it's clear I'm not the only one. So we're talking about moving here.

Apparently there were many with big plans, from which tetech never emerged. In a rancid village here under the smoke of Chaiyaphum, there are at least 4 or 5 big phalanx houses
I come here every year anyway, but they are never there. Oh yes, last year a neighbor was 400 meters away
All day beer. He was absent again this year. "Tang Prathet" like all
According to villagers, his younger Thai wife is in bed with another man

I've never met a German who lives 100 meters from here. Always in Germany.
But the house is of course not uninhabited. Built at own expense and not cheap. This applies to all farang houses here. Very expensive, but why is your house never there?

Also in the Netherlands there are people who built an expensive house in Isaan but never got there. Well, never? 2 to 3 months a year. When I asked, admittedly brutally, why they had built this house, one became visibly hesitant and the other grumpy.

Well, my in-laws may have cost me $15 in the last 15,000 years.
That's pittance compared to the farang, who have houses here that weigh about a ton and never go there. In-laws of course.

Nick Jansen says

What a nonsense; You don't have to decide at all. And whether you want to make a choice depends on personal circumstances and feelings. But in the post, it looks like you have a moral obligation to make a choice anyway.

pw says

Sjaak's friend's comment got me thinking.

Is it a good idea to keep (in some form) a record of the homes of Thailandblog visitors who want to rent their home in the Netherlands?

Of course, if you list your house on the official website, there are many overheads that will increase your rent.

I think we can do it ourselves!

Jo says

Think that there is one more important aspect.
There is always one family left, in NL or TH.
There may also be children from a previous marriage.
Don't think that they are too happy when the father lives on the other side of the world or the son does everything for his in-laws but is tired in the nursing home.
So it's a decision that everyone makes personally. I live comfortably in two worlds, and so does my wife. When we are in TH she would like to go back to the Netherlands and vice versa. This way we are both regulars in the family and we are both happy.
So I can't agree with that statement at all

Sympathy says

Hello everyone, I have to say that I totally agree with the first reaction, I feel almost exactly the same, with the difference that I am coming to Thailand for 2 x 4 months and my wife doesn't have to worry as she has a very well-paid job has job plus own house electric motor: So you don't have to contribute (if I'm there to eat and drink, of course).
He also comes to my house in Spain once a year for 6 weeks, he loves it but he doesn't want to live there so we are both very happy with how things are going.
Therefore I do not agree with your statement.
Welcome. H

Wilhelm von Beverena says

My plans are to partly settle in Vietnam, now 100% in Thailand.
Now I'm wondering if it's possible to spend 2x3 months in Thailand and 2x3 months in Vietnam.
So that you continue to live in Thailand by name due to the full AOW (Thailand is not a treaty country with Vietnam)
Then keep your address in Thailand and your multiple-entry Thailand visa.

Market says

Pw i Wim,
I'm curious about your solution, I have a very spacious house near the city of Groningen, in a rural area.
4, 4, 4 months or 4.8 months or so I think. Let me know if there is more interest.
Sincerely, Mart